How to break up with your service provider, when you really like them.

A story from my own business

Years ago, I worked with a VA. (No names or historical mention anywhere I’m afraid, so don’t bother trying to Poirot this one 😅).

Day to day, things were fine. The work mostly got done. There were mistakes on important documents here and there, and I sometimes had to chase for tasks, but overall it was “OK.”. We’re all human, right?

And they. were. LOVELY. Meet-for-a-zoom-coffee-on-the-regular-for-no-reason lovely. Kind, thoughtful and good company.

Which made working with them easy, and often good fun. And I did so for a couple of years.

As business grew, so did my needs. Particularly on the tech side of things. And I didn’t know what to do.

I’d met another VA who was clearly a better fit for my business. They had industry experience, a proven track record for accuracy, could deliver consistently to deadlines, and came on solid recommendation.

But how could I ‘break up’ with my current VA when they hadn’t done anything terribly wrong?! It felt like I was choosing between kindness and progress.

Honestly, I felt stuck.

What I wish I’d realised sooner

Looking back, here’s what I know now:

• My VA probably already knew they weren’t the best fit – but perhaps didn’t know how to say it or approach it too.
• They may have been struggling with the tasks I was giving them and feeling out of their depth at times.
• They could have been secretly hoping I’d eventually move on to someone more suited to my needs.
• And yes, those friendly coffees made the situation far harder to navigate these feelings for them too.

They are human too, with thoughts, feelings and worries of their own. Not sharing my thoughts helped neither of us.

How we broke up

When I finally ended things with my lovely VA, I didn’t give them a list of mistakes or reasons why they weren’t right for me. I simply said “I think I need something different for where my business is right now.”

It wasn’t easy. And I worried it might feel like rejection. But actually, it gave both of us space to move on without awkwardness. I thanked them for what they had done for me, and I meant it.

Turns out they had wondered the same, and had their own concerns that they weren’t quite right for me anymore. They were also now free to work with someone who’s a better fit.

Breaking up doesn’t mean burning bridges. It means moving forward with honesty and kindness, and leaving the door open for friendship or future recommendations.

Breaking up like this isn’t about blame. It’s about boundaries, honesty, and kindness – and it often leaves both sides free to thrive.

Lessons I carry with me now

Here’s what I’ve learned about choosing (and sometimes changing) service providers:

• Your needs will change as your business grows. And the right people will understand that.
• Your business depends on your decisions. Even the hard ones.
• What feels comfortable isn’t always what’s best for your business. It’s OK to separate the two.
• Moving on doesn’t mean burning bridges. You can still recommend your old provider to others who are a better fit.
• Integrity is everything. Act with kindness and assume good intentions, and you’ll sleep soundly.
• Loyalty has its place. It’s a beautiful quality, but not when it holds your business back. Real loyalty can also mean parting ways kindly and still cheering someone on from the sidelines.

Here’s the heart of it

It’s perfectly OK to break up with a service provider – even if you really like them. (Remember the reasons why you like them and will continue to recommend them to the right people. They will understand.)

It’s OK to move towards what your business needs now.

It’s OK to be kind and decisive.

Because when you do, you create space for both of you to thrive:

• Your business gets the support it truly needs.
• Your old provider gets the chance to work with clients who are a better fit.

And remember, it’s OK to then remain friends, colleagues, or be referral partners.

Sometimes being brave and letting go is the kindest thing you can do – for them, and for you.